Can anyone help me to get over the death of my ex-husband?

I found out about 6 weeks ago, through my children, that my ex-husband had stage 4 colon cancer. (they found out in January of this year) Although I am recently remarried, when I went to visit my ex, (he lived out of state) I realized that I still love him very much. (we've been divorced for 8 years) We finally convinced my ex to come to my state to seek medical treatment, and even though my husband never met my ex, he agreed to let my ex move in to be with me, and mine & my ex's children. He was in the hospital for a little over a week, (I would spend 13+ hours every day sitting by his side) before he came home with me. He lived with me for 2 days before ping away. I told him over and over that I love him, and he said he loved me. I wouldn't leave his side. He told me he believed in God, but did not believe Jesus was God's son. People tell me that because of this he will not be accepted in heaven, and this makes me sadder. I haven't eaten since his burial (3 days ago), I feel miserable, and can't stop thinking about him. We were married for 14 years and have 8 children. I've spent uncountable hours reading about near-death experiences, to convince myself that there is an afterlife, and that one day we may be reunited. I feel guilty that I didn't keep in touch with him regularly (I called him a few times a year usually, but sometimes a year or so would go by and I wouldn't call), because if he told me he wasn't eating, I'd have convinced him to go to a doctor, and the cancer would have been detected early enough to be treatable. My mind relives the happy times we had together, then I wonder why I even divorced him in the first place, and why I didn't realize, after the divorce, that I still so very desperately love him. I need help coping with this. Sometimes I wish I would never wake up when I fall asleep, then I think of my children and feel guilty for such thoughts. Any advice to help me understand my feelings, and to help me through this would be very much appreciated